To Thine Own Self, Be True...

A lot of people comment on how real I am. How transparent I appear on my blog, and in person.

My final life lesson from our vacation is the most important, and the most difficult to share. But it hit me in the face like a wet towel on a hot day...shocking, yet surprisingly refreshing:-)

Our last day of vacation was Sunday, and we had planned to visit a local church we'd been told about. We usually go to church on vacation, but for some reason I felt very resentful about having to go.

Which was odd. I adore worshipping God, and I love church. True, I hate new places and being in groups where I don't know anyone, but Dave was with me, and I knew him. So it bothered me that I didn't want to go to church.

As we got up and showered and prepared to leave the motel...I found myself fussing with my hair, making sure I wore my best clothes and that they weren't wrinkled or too tight. For the first time in days I put on makeup.

I fussed and primped, then we left and went to breakfast. At breakfast I broke down sobbing, but didn't know why. I excused myself and went to the restroom to compose and wash up, then touched up my makeup and returned to our table.

But a heavy sadness clung to me like toilet paper on my shoe...I couldn't see it, but I knew it was there, and I couldn't quite get it off of me.

We went to church, and while not totally comfortable, it was enjoyable. I received a good word from the pastor, and my husband got to meet his "twin" (long story!!). Then we left for one last walk on the beach.

Dave drove us back to our access point we'd discovered the night before. The wind was kicking up, so the waves were excellent...lots of foam as they crashed the shore and the rocks...and lots of whitecaps.

It was cold, so I wrapped up in my outer shirt, and kicked off my sandals. Out came the combs holding my hair, and I forgot about my nice white tank top and how snug it was, and didn't worry about crying off my make-up any longer.

We spent an hour there, exploring, walking in the edge of the surf, snapping picture, and I soaked in every moment like a sponge. As I stood there, praising God, I felt so alive and so....

Me.

And it hit me. I knew what the great sadness was. I knew why I sobbed at breakfast and couldn't seem to stop. I knew why I didn't want to go to church.

It was because, as real as I try to be...I'm still not me. I still hide behind a false shadow of what I'm supposed to be. And when we prepared for church that morning, I was putting on a front I hadn't worn all weekend. The hair just right, the make-up just so...and what would people think of me playing in my head.

And it broke my heart.

Because I realized I'm not the only one. We try to be genuine.

We work at it, wanting to be real and approachable and relevant.

But sometimes the masks we have worn have become such a part of our lives, that God has to get us out of our element to get us to realize just how plastic we have become.

He had to take me to the beach, to the one place where I totally lose myself in abandon to Him and become like a little child again--no pretense, no false anything--to get me to see that I'm still playing a role.

And when I felt myself slipping back into that role, albeit for good reasons (to represent my husband, church and God well), it was so painful that it made my soul cry out. Hence, the uncontrollable tears.

I've been weepy all week long. I'm battling what I felt that weekend and how to incorporate it into my life. I'm fighting for all I'm worth, and I feel like I'm losing.

See, I'm funny. But I'm also moody. I'm creative. But I'm also forgetful. I'm loving, but I can be harsh. I'm dedicated, but I can flake for no apparent reason. I'm prone to panic attacks, depression, and I struggle with Chronic Fatigue and R.A., as well as some other hormonal driven syndromes.

I love God, but I can get frustrated with Him. I'm amazed at His wondrous creation, and people get on my nerves. I'm a loner who longs to be loved for who I am, and I know I'm difficult to get along with, but deep down believe I'm totally worth the effort if people will just give me a chance.

I'm complex, but simple. I'm deep, but can be oh so shallow! I love Big Daddy Weave, and Casting Crowns...and Bon Jovi and Brad Paisley and Def Leppard. I love Christian fiction, and a good murder mystery. I want to be healthy, and I need chocolate so bad if the laptop was a Hershey bar it would be G.O.N.E.

I'm also very long-winded, but hopefully you've hung in there til now.

Being real is what we are called to do, which makes it so incredibly complicated. The enemy knows the world is looking for genuine believers who make a difference yet are flawed enough that they can approach without fear of judgement.

So the enemy binds us up in expectations, images, perspectives and a whole host of other shadow things to keep us from impacting our world for Jesus. And I'm sick of it. It's wearing me out, and I feel so pointless.

Pray for me. I don't want to lose what I received at the beach...but I can feel him lurking, snatching at it, and planting things to grow and take the place of what God has given me. I'm in a battle...and I plan to win. But I will need prayer support.

Sorry for the long post. Hope it was worth it.

Be blessed, and be His...that's all He asks...He'll do the rest for you.

Deena

Be The Moon...

About a year ago our family saw Todd Agnew in concert. My husband bought me a t-shirt that was navy blue and in green it read "Be The Moon". Todd explained his thoughts behind this logo:

The moon has no light of its own; any light it has is a reflection of the sun. As Christians, we are to be reflections of the Son, having no light of our own. Thus, be the moon.

Denise at Shortybear's Place has bestowed a high, high honor on me...she has given me the Blogger Reflection Award. Here's what she had to say about me: "This lady has become very dear to my heart, we both lost our moms last year, so we share alot of sadness and deep hurt together. She makes my journey through this world better, and not so lonely."

One thing about bloggers that I adore--how quickly we honor one another, and with such high praise for what God does through us.

This award was created by a lovely young woman who is a huge fan of The Lord of the Rings...and she is amazing. Jocelyn says this: "The reason for the title is because this award should make you reflect on five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and have been a Godly example to you. Five Bloggers who when you reflect on them you get a sense of pride and joy... of knowing them and being blessed by them."

She urges us to choose wisely...and so I give great thought to the ones I honor with this award.

My choices:

1) Sharon Hinck at "Stories for the Hero In All Of Us"---she is my hero. Sharon has written some amazing fiction, but it's her heart for her craft and her God that blows me away. She is so humble that she often doesn't realize just how profound her words often are. She is an amazing woman of God, and I am so blessed to know her. If you have never read any of her novels...I highly encourage you to get your hands on one...especially "The Restorer".

2) Kelli at "Living In Grace"---this amazing young woman is battling kidney failure, is in need of a transplant, deals with a host of health issues brought on by her kidney failure, and still finds time to come by the blog and encourage me in my struggles. Her comments have lifted my heart and made me smile, and I adore her.

3) The team at "Girls Write Out"---Kristen Billerbeck, Diann Hunt, Colleen Coble and Denise Hunter all write amazing fiction. But I love reading their blog posts...these women are funny, insightful, and have huge hearts for God and His daughters of the Kingdom. Writing great fiction is a good thing...have integrity is priceless--and they have both!

4) Sharon at "Sit With Me Awhile"---I have received some wise counsel from this precious woman of God. She is walking the same path I often find myself on...and struggles with the tug-of-war between being and doing. Her words are so timely, and she totally rocks as a cheerleader for this gal blogger! Her heart for God is evident in her posts, and her passion for Him runs deep.

5) Katrina at "Callapidder Days"---she unleashed a powerful challenge this Spring with the Spring Reading Thing that had authors and readers bonded together. We met some wonderful reading buddies and got good ideas for our TBR lists. But she not only juggled the huge list of bloggers participating, she did the most amazingly well coordinated book giveaways, and did it with grace and made reading so much fun...and everyone who knows me knows I LOVE READIN'!!

So, there you have it. My choices for the Blogger Reflection Award. There are so many more I could mention; the blogosphere is full of amazing, inspiring, funny women who are real about their faith in God and real about their struggles in that faith.

I dwell in a company most excellent, and I am honored to be one of you.

Be blessed, and go visit my nominees!

Deena

Performing For An Audience Of One...

Well, my journey is almost over, and I'd like to thank you all for hanging in there with me. As I said at the beginning, God taught me a lot while on vacation...I guess He had to get me that far from home to get my attention:-)

On Saturday, we went exploring. I poured over maps of the area and found beaches and ocean access points and fun stuff to check out. We were on an adventure, and I wasn't going to let anything slow me down.

The night before was our night on Glass Beach, with the big rocks to climb over. I had stopped exploring because fear took hold, and after sleeping on it, I was fed up with fear. I was going back to that beach and I was going to kick fear in the can!!

But first, I wanted to see some other sights...one of which was the Point Cabrillo Lighthouse. We stopped first at Caspar Beach and had a good time. Then it was up the winding road to the Point.

We parked in the designated parking lot, and began a 1/2 mile hike to the lighthouse. A half a mile? No worries...I used to walk a mile every day as exercise. I could handle a half there and a half back.

Ummm...did I mention it was downhill? A steep downhill slope? Which means...everybody say it with me...what goes down must come...

UP!!

Plus, we were a couple thousand feet higher up than normal...and did I mention all that walking I did was a couple of years ago??

The walk down was fine. We toured the lighthouse, talked to the lighthouse keeper, and purchase a few souvenirs. Then it was time to go back up the hill.

The first few yards were fine. I was winded, didn't feel like chatting, but Dave kept up a steady stream of wisecracks and jokes. I grinned now and then, and took a sip or two of water.

Then we hit the steepest grade about halfway back up the hill. I measured my breathing, kept swinging my arms, and concentrated on the top of the hill. About half way up, Dave pointed out a bench and told me to rest awhile.

I shook my head. This hill wasn't going to get the best of me. And I wasn't going to wuss out and rest...I had a point to make. I was going to make this hike, and I wasn't going to whine and complain about it. It was my choice to go, and I was going to succeed if it killed me.

It almost did. By the time we made it up the hill, I was seeing spots, my face was beet red, and I couldn't catch my breath. I made it back to the car on shaking limbs, calling myself all kinds of stupid.

Turning the a/c on high, I gulped down air and thought, "What in the wide, wide world of sports were you trying to prove, woman???" Who in the world cared if I made it all the way to the top without stopping?? No one but...

...me.

I didn't impress anyone. I didn't make a mark on society. I didn't leave a legacy. I just did something incredibly stupid, for nothing.

And I realized that was how I lived most of my life.

I blog, trying to be funny like so and so, or to be impressive for such and such blogger award...I cut up to make people laugh and I try to say neat things so people will keep me around...

And end up feeling foolish and pointless.

But when I let the Spirit of God rush through me, when I step back and let Him take over...when I turn me off and turn Him on...oh, it totally rocks my world!

I got more joy over timidly clambering over the rocks on Glass Beach than I did by pretending to be Xena, Warrior Princess...and my stupid stunt cost me precious time on Glass Beach that night...it took me all night to recover from that hike.

So, while I love making people laugh, and I love my wacky sense of humor...while I love the deep thoughts God gives me and I love sharing my ideas with others...I'm going to work very hard on only impressing the One who sees all...and that's not too hard to do...

'Cause I hear He already thinks I'm pretty nifty keen!

Be blessed, and don't knock yourself out to impress me...I love ya no matter what you do!!

Deena

P.S. There's a little more I learned...so maybe one more post. Hope you can hang in for a bit longer:-)

Working Out My Salvation With Fear and Trembling...

When everyone we know found out we were going to Fort Bragg, and that we had never been there before, they ALL had suggestions for where to go and what to do.

Dave contacted the Chamber of Commerce and got a huge envelope full of brochures, and wouldn't let me see any of them.

So we had plans before we even left.

They lasted one afternoon. We ate at Egghead's, visited the Pygmy Forest, walked on Glass Beach, drove to Mendocino...and ran out of stuff to do.

On Saturday, we got up and had the entire day ahead of us...and I was tempted to just pack it up and go home. Why stay? We'd seen it all, done it all...it was over.

We had breakfast, I grabbed the phone book and the visitor's directory...and we hit the road.

With no agenda, and no time constraints, we just drove. We looked for little shops to check out, we hunted down thrift stores (Dave's favorite haunt), we discovered beach access points that rocked.

We tried a local hangout for lunch, we took a nap, we poured over the maps and found new places to explore. We walked 1/2 mile to the lighthouse on Point Cabrillo, and then almost died walking back uphill (at least, I almost did!).

We found the point where they filmed "Murder, She Wrote" and called it Cabot Cove--which was really Noyo Point. We found the bed and breakfast that served as Jessica Fletcher's home in the show and took pictures for our daughter.

We bought gifts for family back home, and collected shells and driftwood on the shores. We watched the sunset and took pictures and got sandy and wet and kissed on the beach.

We got insulted by a hoity-toity hostess at a ramshackle oceanside restaurant, and then went to Denny's and were served like royalty.

Basically, we stayed within the boundaries of Fort Bragg/Mendocino and made our own vacation...and had a BLAST!

And that is what I do in my Christian walk. I stay within the bounds of God's Word, and do my own thing, and have a BLAST!

Of course, some will be upset that we didn't visit the botanical gardens--but we didn't want to. Some will be disappointed that we didn't walk on Black Sands beach. We didn't want to do that either. And we wanted to see a movie---but ran out of time.

Some will be upset that I raise my hands during worship--but we do it. Some might be disappointed that I don't speak in tongues--but I don't. And I want to go to Israel one day---but I will probably run out of time.

I am working out my salvation, my relationship with God in fear and trembling. I know Who saved me, and I know Who is the boss of me...and I answer to Him. When I focus on that, we have a cool time together, come what may. Others may show me things, others may point things out...

But it's fun to discover those hidden treasures that God plants along the way just for me. And it's way cool when we uncover something that blows my socks off...I love it when He does that!

Stay within the boundaries Scripture establishes...but explore His full territory. Don't let fear and others hold you back from what He has for you...

And be blessed!

Deena

Thankful Thursday--Christ On The Cross

We just came from Bible study and I'm filled with thankfulness for what God did on the cross and for what He still does for me:

1) I'm thankful that Christ was my substitute on the cross. He took my place, He took my sin, and He takes my shame.

2) I'm thankful that Christ allowed Himself to be scandalized on my behalf. He was utterly humiliated, and did this willingly, embracing the shame of the crucifixion so that I could stand boldly in Him before the Father.

3) I'm thankful that Christ suffered unspeakable pain, both in body and in spirit for my sake. What must He have felt when the Father turned His back on Him...my mind cannot begin to fathom the rending! The absence of God's presence is worse than anything I can imagine.

4) I'm thankful that Christ dying on the cross satisfied God's demand for holiness, and that by hiding myself in Him, holiness is all God sees. Without His holiness, I am wretched, naked and blind...helpless and without hope. But because of the cross, I am clothed in His righteousness!

5) I'm thankful that I can lay anything before Him--my sin, my dreams, my hopes, my fears...a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. I need to do this more often, and not cling to my "stuff", but cling to the cross.

6) I'm thankful that through His crucifixion, He brings us together, into family...and I'm a part of the most wonderful, amazing sisterhood imaginable!

So, what are YOU thankful for?? Visit Iris' blog at Sting My Heart and share...it's waaaayyyy cool to share:-)

Be blessed!

Deena

I Think These Ladies Rock!

Okay, I've had time to think about this, and here are my nominees for the Rockin' Blogger Award:

1) Jenny at Life Is Not A Cereal--she is so honest and so sweet...you just have to love her! I love her transparency, and lately she has been very creative with her scrapbooking...go and check her out.

2) Amanda at A Patchwork of Books--this newlywed works with children at the library...how cool is that!! I loved my librarians and loved the summer reading program, and Amanda is doing great things to promote reading for kids...and she has good taste:-) Stop by and say hi!

3) Heather at Desperately Seeking Sanity---Heather is a single mom working out her salvation with humor and honesty, and I adore her. She struggles and is so real in her blog posts, that sometimes I just want to give her a great big encouraging hug...and I would love to live next door to her. Pop in and surprise her, k?

4) Nise' at Thus Far The Lord Has Helped Me---she was my first cyberblogging buddy, and she encouraged me so much with her comments...I know she's probably been nominated already, but it was seeing her comment that helped me realize that what I had to say really mattered to more than just the few who knew me...and I love her for that. She's my cheerleader...so go and say "Hey!"

5) Denise at Shortybear's Place--this precious soul has also become my cheerleader. I don't know how she does it, but she always knows just when to email me and encourage me, and she is a prayer warrior you want in your corner. She has health struggles, but she doesn't let them stop her from lifting up a sister in need, and I don't know what I'd do without her. Leave her a comment and some love.

6) Sharon at Sit With Me Awhile gets a mention---she's already received this award as well, and she gave it to me! But my sweet sister tells it like it is, and she loves like Jesus loves. I have received some sound counsel from her, and she is always in my corner, and I know she's got my back! Go over and check out her blog...you'll be glad you did!

So, there you have it. These women rock, and God uses them all mightily in my life. Oh, there are so many, many more women who deserve this...and some of them aren't bloggers, like my sister and my sister-in-love...Miss B...Miss V...Miss C...and so many more.

I live in a great company of Christian women, and I am truly blessed. To see how this all began, and who nominated ME...click here!

Deena

Someone Thinks I Rock!!

Imagine my surprise when I checked my email and found this little award from Clemntine at "What's Up, Buttercup?"

Then imagine my surprise when I decided to get caught up on my blog reading, and saw that Sharon gave me the award as well! Wander on over and Sit With Her Awhile...

I feel so honored when someone reads my blog and likes it enough to share about it. This week especially is important to me, as some of what I'm sharing is very, very personal.

So, thank you, Clemntine...I think you rock, too!

Now, who do I think rocks?? Well, hmmmmmm....let me sleep on it, and I'll get back to you tomorrow, k?? I still have brain lag from our vacation!!

Be blessed, and rock on, my friends.

Deena

On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand...

One of my favorite memories of any trip to the beach is standing at the ocean's edge, barefeet in the surf, watching the waves come rolling in.

So, naturally, on this trip I could not wait to get my little piggies into the water!

Our first day in Fort Bragg was nice. We went to one beach and I got nice and sandy footed (and no, that's NOT my hobbit name!!). But it wasn't like I remembered it. Still, I enjoyed the cool water and the nearness to the ocean.

Our second day was much like the first, except more of it. We went to Noyo Point, Caspar Beach, and three more beaches. At every one, I slipped out of my shoes and into God's creation, basking in the coolness and walking along the water's edge.

But it wasn't until the last day that it happened. That memory from the past came back.

We went to the beach one last time. We'd found a great ocean access point not far from our motel, and trudged across the sand--me barefoot, as usual:-) The surf was a bit more aggressive that last day, as the wind was kicking back up and the fog was about to roll back in.

The waves were gorgeous, crashing against the rocks and the bluffs, and there were tons of whitecaps. It was COLD, but I wrapped up in my denim shirt and stuck my feet in the surf, shivering with delight.

And it happened.

As the waves receded, the sand was sucked from beneath my feet, and I felt as if I was falling. I wobbled a bit, nearly toppling backwards, but reminded myself that it was just an illusion. I stood my ground and reveled in the memory.

Then, it hit me.

That was my life!

I was fighting the tide of the world's mentality creeping into my home, enduring the crashing waves brought on by my mom's passing, my daughter's rebellion, and a myriad of other events, feeling as if I was on shifting sand and sinking, nearly falling.

But then I remembered that hymn from growing up: "On Christ the solid Rock I stand/all other ground is shifting sand/all other ground is shifting sand."

Satan was feeding the illusion that I was falling, with no place to put my feet that was safe and solid. And sometimes I was, because I was resting in my own logic.

But my life is rooted in Christ, and nothing has ever been able to pry me away from Him. I've always felt that I'd rather stop breathing than believing in God and what He has done for me.

And no storm I've endured has been able to tear me away from Him. Oh, I've been torn in places, and some have grown weak, but I'm still standing, at times clinging, arms wrapped around Him for dear life...

But I stand on solid ground. I just have to tell myself not to believe what I feel, and to believe what I know. I may bobble, I may wobble, and I may sit on my hind end if I'm not careful...

But I'll stand. And when the surf gets high, and the waves get harsh...I'll just move a little more up the beach, plant my feet, and stand...

And enjoy the sensation!

Be blessed, and make sure you're standing on Christ the solid Rock...there's plenty of room up here, and the view is spectacular!!

Deena

Fear Not, For I Am With You Always....

As I mentioned in my last post, the road to Fort Bragg was hazardous. Twists and turns like I have never seen, and while beautiful, there was always a hint of danger.

At first the curves were just frequent. With high hills on either side of us, I remembered my dad working in those hills. He drove a dump truck at first, then graduated to an 18 wheeler.

Rock slides happened often in the summer; mud slides occurred in the winter. Clear Lake became a part of my vocabulary in my teens, since that was where Dad often was for days at a time. Now I could see why.

One good rock shift and it all could come tumbling down on us as we drove by. But I was only mildly nervous.

Then we left Willits, and the road took a turn for the worse. Oh, they had recently repaved the road--they just hadn't bothered to widen it for me:-) Thirty miles took us over an hour, with speeds as high as 20 miles an hour required for most of the trip.

Deep redwood lined gullies on one side; high redwood lined ridges on the other. And about two inches of asphalt between us and "them"...the crazy drivers. We met none on the road there, but several on the road home.

I was so tense when we finally entered Fort Bragg that it took me until the next day to finally unwind. By Saturday I had finally begun to enjoy myself on the weekend that almost wasn't.

See, as if that wasn't enough, I had already picked two fights with my husband before we left, and used them as excuses to not even go on the trip.

Why? Why would I do that? I had longed to get away from everything and to go to the coast. Why in the world would I sabotage my vacation plans?

Fear.

I'd never been to Fort Bragg before. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know exactly where we were going. I had never left my kids like that before, and for that long.

And I was afraid.

As we walked along the huge rocks of Glass Beach, I found myself talking to Dave as if he was a little boy instead of a full grown man: "Don't get to close to the edge! What if you fall?" I wasn't seeing the beauty; I was only seeing the danger.

As he strolled along Noyo Point, I couldn't watch...the rocks were too big, and what if his foot slipped? What if he fell? What if...something happened to him, to us, and we didn't make it home?

It might sound silly to you, but I realized this weekend that much of my life is controlled by "What If?" I live for the God of "What If?", and he keeps me in fear. Constant, gut-clenching, teeth grinding fear.

I love God. I adore Him. I long to be with Him. I'm thanking Him for all He does every day in my life.

But I don't completely trust Him.

And that is why I live in fear. But I long to be like the one who wrote in Scripture, "Thou He slay me, yet I will trust in Him." Remember Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo from the book of Daniel? Remember what they said?

"We will not bow down to your idol, O great King. We worship only the One True God, and He will protect us from your fiery furnace. AND EVEN IF HE DOESN'T, we will still trust in Him."

EVEN IF HE DOES WHAT WE THINK HE WON'T DO, it doesn't matter to us. We still trust Him. Oh, how I long for that kind of faith!!

Instead I find myself so fearful---

Fearful of rejection

Fearful of loss

Fearful of not having enough, or having too much

Fearful of failure

Fearful of harm to myself, or to those I love

Fearful of the future, and of the present as well

Fearful. Full of fear. That's me.

And it almost ruined a wonderful weekend. Pray for me, as I must conquer this fear. I'm afraid I can't. But I'm trusting Him that I can.

Be blessed, and fear not...but if you do, I understand.

Deena

Wouldn't Take Nuthin' For My Journey Now!

For those who don't know, I live in Northern California, about 45 miles north of Sacramento (our state capital).

On our anniversary trip we travelled 125 miles north and 35 miles west to Fort Bragg, California (on the coast).

The highway is mountain highway--through steep grades and high mountain passes and twisty curves...and through rock/mud slide country. My dad did a lot of work in that area on winter mud slides and on summer rock slides.

We passed through several tiny towns and drove along the outer rim of Clear Lake, and it was gorgeous. The wind kicked up tiny whitecaps and you could hear the water when the windows were rolled down. The air was so much clearer, and the smell---oh, the smell of the water!

I thought to myself "I could just enjoy this. We don't need to go all the way to Fort Bragg." I was tired, I didn't like the road we traveled. And I just wanted to be by the water. The water brings such peace to my soul--I just cannot begin to describe it.

But I kept my thoughts to myself, and we continued on. Finally we came to Willits, which was our turnoff for Fort Bragg. Now, I'd heard how perilous and windy this highway stretch was...but I could not have prepared myself for it.

Blind, hairpin turns, narrow road, and stupid drivers all piled up on my last nerve until I became a basket case. But my husband drove so carefully, and he took his time and got us there safely--although it took over an hour to drive 30 miles!!

We saw the sign. We had reached our destination. And Dave announced, "Look, Deena! The ocean, just for you!" And it was breathtaking. After so much to get there (I couldn't even begin to read on this trip for fear of carsickness--and I don't get carsick!).

What joy! What fun! What peace awaited me there. We explored beach after beach, walking along the ocean's edge, watching the sun set and the waves crash on the rocks. We spent hours on the water's edge, and I drank it all in and basked in God's presence right there on the coast.

When time came to return home, the road didn't bother me as much. I enjoyed the scenery of the tall redwood canopy that sheltered us, and admired the strength in my husband's hands as he controlled our car around the dangerous curves. When I did have a moment of panic, he told me, "I will not put your life at risk. God has entrusted you to me, and I will take care of you."

I cried when he said that. I knew it, but to hear him say it was infinitely precious.

Again, on our way home, we passed by Clear Lake. This time, as I gazed out on it's clear blue surface, I said out loud, "I could never settle for this when I know now what lies ahead."

And that is now how I feel about my life. I won't settle for this mediocrity, this empty existence, and sell out on what I know awaits me. If you don't really understand Heaven, I encourage you to read Randy Alcorn's writings along with Revelation in the Bible.

Such great things await us that we cannot afford to get attached to what we have down here. And the troubles that we must go through--don't even compare to what we have waiting up ahead in Heaven.

Rest assured--God has entrusted our lives to Jesus, and He is able to keep that which we have committed to Him until that day arrives. Trust me--His Word says it and I have to believe it, after all I've experienced this weekend.

So, that's my first life lesson from this trip. There's more to come, so stay tuned.

Be blessed, and never settle for anything less than God's best for YOU!

Deena

Hi, Honey! I'm Home!!!!

We're back from our anniversary trip, and I hope to be blogging tomorrow. God taught me quite a bit on this adventure, and I can't wait to begin sharing with you!

Thanks for the prayers and congratulations!!

Deena

Thankful Thursday--22 years ago...

a silly little girl married a very mature man, and they lived happily ever after...sort of:-)

And after 22 years with the man I adore...all I can say is "Please, suh, I want summore!!" Here's to another 22 years of matrimony!!

22 Reasons I Adore My Man

1. He's sooooo cute!

2. He's smart.

3. He loves God with all of his heart, mind, soul and strength.

4. He makes me laugh.

5. He makes me think.

6. He quickly forgives me when I hurt him or anger him. (I can be VERY frustrating to live with, people:-)

7. He believes in me, telling me I am capable of anything.

8. He pastors his church with passion and grace.

9. He adores our kids and would move heaven and earth for them.

10. He expects great things from them and for them, and he backs it all up with Scriptural principles.

11. He works hard for the money.

12. He is a great brother and son, and he is always there for his family.

13. He lets me cry, and just is there to hold me.

14. He can fix things...though sometimes it takes a little while:-)

15. He knows his Bible and can break down Scripture like nobody's business ( I don't know what that means...but I like the way it sounds:-)

16. He loved my mom almost as much as I did.

17. He prays for our kids and over our kids, asking God's provision and protection in their lives.

18. He prays over me often, thanking God for me (although I wonder if he knows EXACTLY what he's praying FOR:-)

19. He opens new things up to me, like books and music---and blogging:-)

20. He thinks I'm the funniest person he's ever met.

21. He gets me more often than not...which is a challenge in and of itself!

22. He has promised to always love, protect, cherish, and take care of me all the days of my life...and he's VERY good at all of them!

So, Happy Anniversary, Honey...thank you for asking me, so I could say "YES!" I'd say it all over again.....

Be blessed, and hug someone you love today!

Deena

New Again...A Must See!!!

An Open Invitation....

Please join me today at Junk in the Trunk.

I think you'll be glad you did.

I know I'll be glad, at least:-)

Deena

Does It Really Matter??

I read a novel earlier this year by author Lisa Samson. It's called "Quaker Summer", and it's about Heather Curridge and her journey to self discovery.

Heather has it all, and she is b-o-r-e-d. Wanting to find meaning in her life, she embarks on helping the homeless. But what she ultimately discovers is that, even in helping, it's still all about her.

Today, outside McDonald's, a homeless man asked me for a burger. Just a burger; nothing else.

Normally, that would have thrilled me to bits. I love feeding people who are in need, and do it as often as I can.

In fact, when my mom passed away, I inherited a small amount of money. I wanted to set some aside for just this purpose: helping those in need. It made me feel good...

about me.

So, when this man asked me for a burger, I decided to stretch a little. I talked to him. I asked him exactly what he'd like. I didn't just dive in and purchase the easiest and cheapest.

He appreciated it. And this time, it felt deeper. Not quite deep enough, but more than just a token burger for a brownie point.

One day, I hope to have what it takes to invite the person to eat with me. To talk with him or her and to get to know exactly where they are coming from, what their real needs are, and how to pray for them...by name.

Of course, in today's age, I must exercise wisdom. I mean, what would it mean if the person gained a meal and my kids lost a mom? Odds are, that wouldn't happen, but I do have to be wise.

So, I will be searching my soul more these days...why do I do the things I do? To make myself feel better--feel good--feel accomplished?? And how can I get to the pure motive of honoring God with what He has given me?

Making the journey, one step at a time.

Be blessed,

Deena

I'm Trying...

I'm trying...

...to be more loving and less indifferent.

...to be more compassionate and less condescending.

...to be more positive and less negative.

...to be more encouraging and less critical.

...to have more faith in God and trust less in myself.

...to be more focused and less random.

...to be more consistent and less scattered.

...to be more of Him and less of me.

But it's hard. Please pray for me?

Be blessed, and enjoy your day, for the Lord made it, therefore it is good.

Deena

Fix My Eyes, Lord, On the Prize!

This is going to be a difficult post to write. It's already my third attempt. But the words just won't flow. So I'm going to stop trying to hide behind them and be honest.

Be warned.

Last night we saw Todd Agnew in concert, but it was more of a worship experience than entertainment. I love Todd because he is so gutwrenchingly honest, even to the point of offense at times.

He has a new album coming out next month that he has taken a lot of flack over...from people who believe. Which has heightened my curiosity, naturally:-) One of the songs on the album he performed last night.

It talks of a war of the soul. Of how we want to do good, but end up doing evil. And he talked of how there is so much evil in this world, and how even when we as God's people are in pain or are so full of anger, or so captivated by joy...we stay in our perfect images of what a Christian is supposed to be, hiding behind it and staying to plastic to be of any use to Him.

Then we worshipped. It was glorious. It was needed. I was finally able to bask in His glory.

And then I woke up this morning.

It's only 7:30 AM, and I've already been in a fight with my husband. Twice. Claimed to be right, when I knew I was wrong. Let pride take over. And set the tone for this wonderful summer day---oh, joy.

What happened, God? Where did that genuine joy go? What is this thing that is now holding me in it's grip? I didn't wake up this morning thinking, "Oh, I just feel like sinning real good today. Let's kick it off with a good one, shall we, satan?"

So why did I do it? Why was it so hard to apologize? And why did I do it anyway?

God, I want so much to be what You mean for me to be. I want to be in Your presence always. I say that, and I mean it, and then I go and choose sin. Shame on me!

So, here's my prayer, and I realize it's a dangerous one. But after having a taste of Him last night I find I long for more, even more than before. I so long for Heaven that I can barely stand it.

God, break me. Make me so tender toward You that the slightest sin in my life drives me to my knees in agony til I confess it and make it right. Shave off the calloused portions of my soul, for I know they are there, and make it shiny and new and raw, so that only Your Spirit and Your healing balm will satisfy me.

I don't care what it takes, Lord. I through myself open to You. I will be as real as I know how to be, and the world will just have to learn to live with me as Your child, open and honest. If I offend, let it be on Your behalf and not on mine, Lord.

I love You. I long to be with You. I'm so sick of this world that we have made in our own image. I want to be Home, God. I sense a shift in the winds of the world, and it makes me ache all the more for You and Your presence.

Clear my vision. Fix my eyes, Lord, on the prize. The prize of eternity and Your presence and Your voice saying, "Good job, Deena! I adore You and I've longed for You to be with me. Come on in, Sweet Thing!"

Whatever it takes, Lord. No more plastic Christianity in my life. No more lies. No more masks. No more hiding. And now, God...I'm really scared! But I want it so badly I can taste it.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Pray for me. This will be hard. So hard. But I want it, with tears in my eyes and my heart pounding out of my chest, I want it.

Deena

{{{{{BIG WARM HUGS}}}}}

To all who posted de-lurked and posted comments, emailed prayers and love and cards, and called me (you know who you are!!!)........

Thank you from the depths of my heart.

Be blessed, 'cause you just should be blessed!

Deena

Another Promotes Home...

Ruth Graham, beloved wife of Rev. Billy Graham, has gone home

My heart aches for him and for his family...but I am so jealous of my mom right now...

Not only does she get to be with Jesus, now she gets to meet Ruth Graham.

I wanna go home...I miss Heaven.

Be blessed, and pray for the Grahams.

Deena

Advice Needed...

I need your help.

Our oldest daughter has rebelled against God and is currently living in a not good situation. She has told us, primarily my husband (her father) that we really have no say in what our other daughter does with her life, or at least we shouldn't.

She has often questioned and challenged my authority as a mom and my faith as a believer. We have had many round robin discussions on what the Bible says and whether or not that is up for a vote, or if it is God's Word that we should obey.

Our other daughter is 17, but she is very naive and still quite young in her thinking in many ways. She does not like her older sister, but wants desperately for a "sister relationship" with her. However, she is often disappointed and wounded by her sisters actions, and can't make herself heard in the relationship.

My need is this: Should I allow the two of them to spend time together? If one of my daughter's friends was a bad influence on her, I would have no hesitation restricting their contact and keeping in the loop of what was going on.

But this is my daughter. Am I wrong to restrict their contact and to insist on knowing what is going on between the two of them? The oldest makes me feel like a monster and like garbage for not trusting her, but she has betrayed my trust over and over again. I believe that she would love nothing more than to take her sister down the same road she herself has traveled down.

What should I do? My husband and I are going away for a few days, and now she wants to know if she's "allowed" to come by and visit with her sister and little brother...

Am I wrong? Please help me...

Deena

Full On Body Hug!

Jesus was matter-of-fact:

"Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you.

This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'--no shuffling or shilly-shallying--and it's good as done.

That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large.

Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything."

Mark 11:22-24, The Message


What mountains are in your way today? How are you embracing God...a slap on the back, a one armed hug, or a full on body hug, clinging like your life depended on it...because it does, after all!

Be blessed, and give Him all you've got...then step back and watch what He does with it!!

Deena

Prayer Needs for a Sister In Christ...

Our sweet Heather posted a few prayer needs she has. Thought I'd post them here so you all can keep her in prayer. The tumor may have been removed, but that was just the first step in a long journey for this precious sister and her family. Thanks for praying for Heather!!

Things to pray for:
- That Satan would stay out of my thought life. I have my weak moments, and in them, the thoughts of “what if” creep into my mind.

- My fatigue. Pray that it would be taken away, or at the very least that it would be minimized.

- My nausea. Pray that I would be able to find the right combination of drugs/herbs (peppermint, ginger, etc) to combat this.

- My Spirit. Fatigue makes you feel worthless, there is no easy way around that.

- Emma. Today is her first day of summer school!

Be blessed, and stop by her blog if you can!

Deena

Gettin' Personal!

Okay...I'm going to do something on my blog that I've never done before.

I'm going to talk about my husband.

**Snort** Okay, so I've talked about him before...but NEVER like this. And if you go to my church...shhhhh...don't tell!

Last Friday we both went in and had some blood work done through an incentive program at his work. It was free, painless (for me, praise the Lord--I HATE needles!), and we got paid to do it!

The results are in...and we need help. That's why I'm coming to YOU, my bloggy friends!

I'm not saying who it is (it's him), but one of us has high cholesterol and triglycerides, and HIS/her blood sugar is too high.

So, put on your thinking caps and send me some helpful hints. I'm looking for remedies to get that LDL down and to raise the HDL (that's cholesterol speak for all who don't know---I'm getting pretty good at this medical lingo---may have to audition for ER next year!).

I'm also wanting low fat and low sugar or sugar free recipes that you yourselves have tested and found desirable. Any websites, supplements, or ideas that you may have...I want' em!!

Pray for us. This is going to involve a lot of lifestyle changes, and as I once said, I only like change if it will buy me a soda at Sonic! But we both want to be healthy and able to serve our Lord with sound body and mind (I may have to pass on that last one:-)

Thanks for indulging me...I promise to knock off the personal stuff...someday...just not soon...but you already knew that, didn't you??

Be blessed, and take care of you...you're the only you God made!!

Deena

P.S. Getting a profile on a dating site allows you to meet people online you normally wouldn't elsewhere. Utilizing an online dating site is also good since you can get to know a little about someone from the dating site before you meet them if you decide to.

Because Inquiring Minds Want To Know, Part 1!

Chili is hosting a blogging party about how we all got our start in the bloggy world we now dwell in. We're all revealing our roots and linking together in a party of sorts (but there's no cake!), so enjoy! Mine is in three parts, mainly because I have three (yes, count'em, THREE!) blogs.

How did you start blogging?

Honestly, I have my hubby to thank. He was starting a blog for our church, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Wholly Devoted was originally an extension of our women's Bible study fellowship, but now it has taken on a life of its own. And that's a good thing!

Did you intend to be a blog w/a following? If so, how did you go about it?

I have a following? What am I, Paris Hilton??!!

Seriously, I had hoped the women of our study would log on and read, but I'm finding out more people read this little blog than I even know in real life. How cool is that!

What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful?

I hope to encourage women to be real in their faith, to seek God with their whole hearts, and to just generally be encouraged. Have I been successful? That's hard to gauge, but from the comments I get...I think so. Only by His grace, though...
this transparency stuff is hard! I forget that people I go to church with read this stuff, and then someone will say something and I'll think "Yikes! I forgot I wrote that!!" LOL!!

If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?

My plan is as it has always been...writing what is on my heart, and seeing how God can use it.

Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?

Well, as I said earlier, originally this was designed to be an extension of our monthly study. But more and more women were finding out about Wholly Devoted, and getting something from what they read...so it evolved into my on-line devotional journal. We still use it to connect in our study from time to time...much of what I blog about is triggered by something I've read in our book, "Having A Mary Spirit", but not all of it.

What do you know now that you wish you'd known when you started?

I've actually enjoyed learning from trial and error. I've found some great sites that help out with the little tricks, and I've invested in a book on blogging basics that I hope one day to actually read:-)

Do you make money with your blog?

No, but my kids would love for me to find a way to do that!!

Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?

My husband's sister, Brenda knows about it and is a frequent reader (I think she is anyway!). I've shared the link with my oldest sister, but none of my family is really into what I do. And I've shed many tears over wanting to share it with my mom...she would have been my biggest fan (or at least rivaled my hubby for the spot--he now holds the MBF title!).

What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?

1. Decide what your purpose is, and then blog according to your purpose. Stay true to who you are, and you will grow as a person through your blogging. And always take time to read back through your blogs...you'll be amazed at your journey!

2. Use spellcheck. It's a blogger's best friend!

So there you have it...for part 2, click here. For Part 3, click here.

Be blessed...and consider joining us in the blogosphere!!

Deena

Prayer Needed!

Greetings!

We have some changes that need to be made at the Peterson household. They primarily affect our diet (and that is primarily for Pastor Dave).

I would greatly appreciate your prayers. I don't like change, unless it will buy me a Diet Coke:-)

Blessings to one and all today!

Deena

Don't Wait Til You Burn Out!

Today, I was blessed with a new refridgerator. Our old one is keeping things cold out in the garage. It's working all right.

So, why a new one?

I could sense it was getting ready to burn out. I noticed drinks weren't very cold, but thought, "Oh, it's just the heat."

Then I got a drink out of someone else's fridge; it was ice cold.

So, we went shopping and picked out a brand new fridge. I figured, why wait until this one goes out? Let's be prepared, and have a little extra space for those bargains I get now and then...

God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "And how about you?" I tend to push myself until I'm so tired I can barely breathe, every muscle aches and I feel "icky". When if I just said no once or twice during the week, I would be able to stay rested, eat better, and not be dragging my hiney to do this or that.

We went and had blood drawn for a variety of tests. Some of my results are borderline. It's time to take action...so please, pray for me (some of the results are too far gone and can only be managed--if you wanna know more, email me).

The same goes for my spiritual well being. When I sense myself growing snappy, it's time to take spiritual inventory on my walk with God. Why wait til I totally blow my cool, and my witness, before I repent and change my ways??

So, don't wait til you burn out! Take action now, and have more to give and be able to do more longer for Jesus.

Be blessed...I'm off to play with my new ice maker:-)

Deena

R.A.R.E. Christians

Things that are rare are valuable, often considered priceless. People will hunt for them, and go to extremes to find them.

Rare things often have great effect on others, on societies, on cultures.

Think of this...a musical group that has impacted music more than any other?? The Beatles! It's been over four decades, and no other group has had more impact...they're even in history books, for cryin' out loud!!

Diamonds...may be a girl's best friend, but didn't they just recently make a movie called "Blood Diamond"? Yeesh!!

Antique Roadshow is a hot property right now...people are finding junk, and having it appraised sometimes as a rare find. Then they go off doing the happy dance all the way to the bank!!

So, I decided that I want to work on becoming a R.A.R.E. Christian. I figure, if I'm R.A.R.E., I'll have more of an impact, be a great treasure to my King, and might even stir things up a bit!!

What is R.A.R.E.??

R--reckoning myself dead to sin
A--acquiring all that Christ has done for me
R--realizing who I now am in Him
E--Exercizing my faith and my trust in my Lord and Savior

Of course, now that I've told you, we won't be all that rare...but that's perfectly fine with me. The more R.A.R.E. Christians in this world, the better off we'll all be!!

Join me?!?!?

Be blessed...and be R.A.R.E.!!

Deena

Who's Advice Do YOU Seek??

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched."

Addressing her question to one of her students, "What would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," pondered the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."

Who do YOU seek advice from??

Be blessed!

Deena

Don't Be Fooled!!

This is an optical illusion. The picture is not animated.

Don't believe me?

Stare at the black dot in the center of one of the circles, and it stops moving.

So, let me ask you this...are you focusing on Jesus amidst the shifting tides in this life? If so, you will not be moved...

Be blessed!

Deena

Sharing the Wealth...

Go read this...you'll be glad you did.

Be blessed,

Deena

P.S. I goofed and left off the link...my bad!! LOL!!

A New Meme!

Today, I have a new meme for us to circulate, and I think it will be a good one!

Here's how it will work:

1) Think of one thing you are proud of that you accomplished recently.
2) Think of one thing you have struggled with recently that you long to conquer.
3) Think of one goal or dream that your heart desires.
4) Think of one person you encouraged recently and what you did.
5) Think of one person who encouraged you recently and what they did.

Then, complete this prayer:

I acknowledge, Lord, that all good things come from You. I realize that any good that I do or that is within me is because of You.

I surrender my struggle with _________________ to You, and ask for Your help in conquering it. I surrender my victory to You when I __________________________
and praise You for it.

Thank You for sending encouragement to me through _______________________ and for allowing me to be an encouragement to ____________________. I ask You for more opportunities to encourage others in Your name.

Thank You for Your blessing of _______________________________ to me. I ask that You help me to be more aware of Your blessings in my life. Thank You in advance for what You are doing, and what You are about to do in my life.

In Jesus' name, amen.


MY RESPONSE:

I acknowledge, Lord, that all good things come from You. I realize that any good that I do or that is within me is because of You.

I surrender my struggle with anger to You, and ask for Your help in conquering it. I surrender my victory to You when I stepped out in faith and praise You for it.

Thank You for sending encouragement to me through Veronica, Ann and Taunalen and for allowing me to be an encouragement to Denise and my Bible study group. I ask You for more opportunities to encourage others in Your name.

Thank You for Your blessing of a successful end of school to me. I ask that You help me to be more aware of Your blessings in my life. Thank You in advance for what You are doing, and what You are about to do in my life.

In Jesus' name, amen.

A Bountiful Harvest??

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

If you plant hard work, you will reap success

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

If you plant faith in Christ, you will reap a harvest

What are YOU planting today??

Be blessed, and I'll see you on Monday!

Deena

No Time Off Required!!

Every once in awhile, I like to give satan a vacation. A bit of a break from the endless torment and temptation he inflicts on my life down here on planet Earth.

So, I pull on my boxing gloves, and give myself the old one-two punch:

"I can't BELIEVE you were so stupid!"

"Didn't you learn ANYTHING from last time?"

"How in the WORLD could anyone love a big, fat cow like you??"

"You'll never make it!"

"No matter what you try, she's never going to like YOU!!"

And so on...until I'm battered, weary, and sometimes even bloodied from the fight.

Isn't that the dumbest thing you've ever heard of?????

But, that is exactly what we do with our negative self-talk. Every time I put myself down for a mistake, a sin, an error in judgment, a social faux-paux...whatever...

I'm giving the devil an all expense paid vacation...at my own expense. And sometimes, I think I can do a MUCH better job than he can...which is sad.

So, let's make him earn his paycheck...'cause his payday is coming, and it's coming soon. Let's make him earn every red cent of his eternity in Hell, shall we??

I wanna be the kind of Christian woman that, when one of his minions is assigned to me, they cower in fear and cry out, "Deena??? You're giving me HER???? I--I can't do it on my own...I'll need reinforcements! She burned out the last demon you sent to torment her...she's SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wouldn't that be way cool??

Just a thought!

Be blessed, and trust in God so much that the demons tremble at the sound of your name!!

Deena