I need your help.
Our oldest daughter has rebelled against God and is currently living in a not good situation. She has told us, primarily my husband (her father) that we really have no say in what our other daughter does with her life, or at least we shouldn't.
She has often questioned and challenged my authority as a mom and my faith as a believer. We have had many round robin discussions on what the Bible says and whether or not that is up for a vote, or if it is God's Word that we should obey.
Our other daughter is 17, but she is very naive and still quite young in her thinking in many ways. She does not like her older sister, but wants desperately for a "sister relationship" with her. However, she is often disappointed and wounded by her sisters actions, and can't make herself heard in the relationship.
My need is this: Should I allow the two of them to spend time together? If one of my daughter's friends was a bad influence on her, I would have no hesitation restricting their contact and keeping in the loop of what was going on.
But this is my daughter. Am I wrong to restrict their contact and to insist on knowing what is going on between the two of them? The oldest makes me feel like a monster and like garbage for not trusting her, but she has betrayed my trust over and over again. I believe that she would love nothing more than to take her sister down the same road she herself has traveled down.
What should I do? My husband and I are going away for a few days, and now she wants to know if she's "allowed" to come by and visit with her sister and little brother...
Am I wrong? Please help me...
Deena
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Advice Needed...
Posted by Deena Peterson at 12:34 PM
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5 comments:
I'm a long time lurker, and I love you blog. I feel like I can speak to this situation, because at one point and time *I* was the rebellious daughter.
My parents didn't restrict my contact with my younger brothers. I know my youngest brother really looked up to me, and unfortunately he took up some of my rebellious ways.
Now that I'm walking with the Lord again, I feel so guilty for leading him astray. He is not walking with the Lord, and I feel that I bear some of that burden.
If I were you, I would restrict their contact to "safe" places and events, like in your home when you are present, so that you can temper some of your older daughter's influence.
It's a tough situation for sure, and I will be praying for you.
My heart breaks for you because that is just such a difficult situation. I have to agree with Lynnae as I too was the rebellious daughter at one time. I didn't have siblings but I was a lousy influence on those around me and have no doubt that it would have been a bad idea for me to have been unsupervised with a younger sibling if I'd had any.
I was also going to suggest the same - visits, in your home, when you are present. I absolutely do not believe I would allow her to come by and visit with your other daughter while you are away. I think that's just a recipe for disaster.
Just remember something and be encouraged - There is no more miserable person than a Christian running from God - and no matter where she runs, God is with her, pursuing her, and He will never ever give up. Eventually, she will tire of running and turn and embrace her Father who will be standing right there. She won't even have to run back to Him.
Oh sweetie, my heart is breaking for you as I read this post. I would say to trust your heart. You know whether your oldest daughter would love to pull her siblings away from God and away from you. If you feel that is the case, you have to protect them. They are your priority, and she must deal with the consequences of her choices. You may have no say in her choices, but you certainly have a say in their actions and what you allow them to do. My heart goes out to your younger daughter. I know she needs so much from you right now, because of the loss of relationship with her sister. I pray she will find her needs met in Jesus. This sounds a little preachy, but you know my story, and believe me, it comes from a sincere heart. I am praying for you all. Remember, He's already following after her to bring her back to the fold! I love you, my friend.
~TaunaLen
Wow--I want to comment because I feel your heart. We had to deal with this issue in a small way with my daughter and her contact with her brother while he was out of our home. She loves him and needed to see him. But it was when we were there.
In the Bible there are guidelines that are set up for those in rebellion or those who have walked away. I know you have followed the first two steps. The last is to separate them out so that God can deal with them. It is so hard when you child is also you sister in Christ. You said it--if there were another young girl at church or at school you would limit contact.
I don't think you are wrong to limit contact. If your spirit is screaming---listen to it. God may be giving you a little foresight.
Besides will you be able to enjoy your husband while worrying about what is going on at home?
Spend some worry free time with your man.
Love ya girl.
I know it hurts.
Bless your dear heart, what a tough situation to be in. In my opinion, you should be present when she visits. You are not a monster, or being mean, you are looking after your children, that is your job. God will help you through this. I am praying for you my friend, love you.
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