Deadlines...

In our study book, Joanne Weaver writes that she once prayed, "Lord, make me perfect by the time I'm thirty." Later on she admits, "I don't know how I missed this amazing and important reality. I was raised in a grace-filled home and a grace-filled church. But, as a young adult, I somehow fell for the lie that when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, the rest was up to me."

Now, I thought I would have it all together by now (I'm over 30:-). But I don't. At least, if I did, then I've forgotten where I put it, and I have to start all over !! I did NOT grow up in a grace-filled church, and while Mom's name was Grace, Dad's name was Justice.

So, I fell into the performance trap very early in life. Even when I know grace abounds, I still feel the need to perform. It's as if I can accept that it's freely given, but I have to earn the right to keep it.

And I don't know about the rest of the performance-aholics out there, but I seem to be drawn to those who expect me to do a certain thing or be a certain way before I feel a drop of their grace. It's like an invisible pull...I've even asked my husband to inspect me for tatoos that say, "Will perform for love and acceptance." (He didn't find any!)

But, there's hope. I'm getting there. I can finally rest assured that God will never love me any more than He did that day on the cross. That His love is infinite and immeasurable, and it is mine, all mine, since the day I believed (actually, BEFORE I believed...but that's getting off topic!). And I am secure in that.

When it comes to people...well, that's a whole 'nuther story...and sometimes I get the two tangled up together.

I suppose that's reason #2,002 why I'm married to the wonderful guy I am.

He models God's love to me.

When I get tangled up in other people's expectations, real or imagined, and then get tangled between what God wants and what people want...he gently assists me in getting unraveled--no, wait, I usually COME unraveled...so I guess he RE-ravels me....

Anyhoo, you get my point, don't you?? Golly, I sure hope so! Bottom line is this: "No matter how fast I paddled, no matter how hard I tried to keep my head above water, my efforts were never enough." But God's are. He did it all on Calvary. We just need to Have a Mary Spirit and rest at His feet.

Keith Green said it best for me: "Just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed, and He'll take care of the rest."

Any thoughts???