Seven Days Makes One Weak (previously posted on MySpace)

(Previously posted on MySpace Blog January 7, 2007--just in case some of you feel "deja vu"!!)

Maybe you've heard this saying--"Seven days without the Word make a Christian weak." Maybe you haven't heard it.

But I'm here to tell you it's TRUE.

I set these ridiculously stupid goals for myself. Last January, I got on a kick to see if I could read the entire Bible in one month. I did it. woohoo.
Then I did something even more incredibly ridiculous. I thought that was good enough. After all, my husband and I try to read through the Bible in one year, and I just did it in one month.

So, I'm good.

Not quite. I found myself floundering a lot last year. Not sure which way to go. Making bad judgment calls. Feeling more angry than usual. Getting depressed and staying there longer than I should have. Negative thinking saturated my life.

Then, my mom died.

I spiraled down, trying to keep up a happy front for my family and for my church. But I got snappy. I got even more short-tempered. I didn't like myself at all.

How was my prayer life, you ask? Oh, it was there. But it was mostly, How could you do this, God? Why did this happen, God? Why can't I come home, God? I prayed faithfully for others, with diligence and in power.

But for myself?

Nope.

Finally, Christmas came, and I struggled through it on my own. Some knew, some guessed and everybody prayed. But I didn't let on. Until after the holiday was over.

Then I crashed and burned.

Big time.

God said, "Deena, sweetie, it's time to come clean. You're a mess. Let your family (church) know. Then step out of ministry for awhile and let's get things straightened out."

I began reading my Bible daily again on January 1, 2007. I began my daily devotional reading. A book I THOUGHT I had found on accident proved to be God's providence in my life (if you want to know what the book is called--you'll have to email or message me).

I decided to step down from leading worship at my church. I chose to confess to my women's fellowship some of my personal struggles (hey, I'm working on it!). I leaned on my husband for prayer and strength.

And guess what?

I have begun to heal. Slowly, painfully, I am healing inside. The broken, bleeding places are slowly being soothed by the washing of the word of God. I am feeling nourished again. I'm taking it slow, not wanting to glut, but hungry again for the first time in so long

.
My smile feels more natural, not as forced. No fake facades to hide behind. No pretending everything is ok. And people are being drawn to the real-ness...they like seeing the mess, not because it's pretty, but because they feel safe. They know I get it, and they know I won't judge.

So, back to my original quote. All of this began because I neglected my spiritual food source. I stopped reading, and I began dying. More than seven days...more like 334 days...I became a spiritual invalid.

Notice that word...kinda looks like in-valid. But God is faithful. He never leaves, never forsakes, never abandons. He waited for me to cry out in surrender and to be real.

Read your Bible, dear friends.

Never mind if you are in ministry.

Read your Bible.

Never mind if you've been there, done that.

Read your Bible.

Never mind if you don't wanna.

Read your Bible.

Never mind if you're a pastor, Sunday school teacher, Bible study leader...I led Bible study from August of last year, taught Sunday school all year, and I'm a pastor's wife.

Trust me...Read your Bible.

As I said, I'm healing. But it's just begun. The journey back from where I've been is long, and it will be hard. Sometimes two steps forward, one step back (or three!).

But with God's word feeding my soul...I'll be strong enough in Him to make it.

Hope this helps someone.

Be blessed, and be a blessing (I know you all have been one to ME),

Deena