Don't you just love change? NOT!!
I'm in the midst of what is commonly known as "the change"...hormones run amok in my system...chin hairs sprouting like weeds...personal power surges strong enough to cause black outs in 4 states...dry, flaky skin AND pimples (isn't it in the rules that menopause cancels out puberty?!?!?!?!)...and mood swings that reach the sky, and plummet back to earth in less than it takes to blink...
(For all you twenty- and thirty-somethings out there...imaging PMS on steroids:-)
Along with these changes to my body, which I'm still not used to...come the changes to my emotions. Dark days tend to be even darker...happy days tend to come and go more often...anger flares unexpectedly...depression could be my new best friend, if only she wasn't so depressing to hang out with:-)
I'm tempted to blame everything on hormones...I have a good excuse. But I know better. I know when it's my body gone haywire, and when my spirit is needing a good check-up. Evil Gertrude would love nothing better than for me to give in to my aches, pains, and hormonal tides...she would be in control, and oh, does that woman love control!
But no matter what season of life I'm in, I'm still a child of God. I'm still a daughter of the King, and I must behave like one. I may fight harder to keep my tongue in check, to keep my temper from flaring, and to keep my tears in perspective...
But where I am weak, He shows Himself strong. A sister posted a comment to my blog that her pastor now prays for her to be weak, so that God might show Himself strong through her weakness. That thrills me and terrifies me at the same time.
I don't like weakness. My mother taught me that tears are a sign of weakness, so I refuse to cry till I'm sick with the need to bawl like a baby. My sisters taught me that depending on a man is a sign of weakness, so I'm reluctant to let my husband be my lead and my defender.
But to be tough...what does that mean? Think about it...do you like your steak tough, or tender? Do you like your potatoes hard, or soft? Do you like your bread crusty, or fresh? Do you like your love stiff, or mushy?
We need to be tender, soft, fresh...and yes, even a bit mushy!! And it's okay to be weak (unless you're coffee, but that's another post)...because His grace is sufficient for me...and for you...and where I am weak He is strong.
I don't know about all of you, but I'm tired of keeping a stiff upper lip...it makes it hard to put my lipstick on for one thing! I need to let myself be myself, and rely on Him to cover me in His grace, to see me through the storms of life--be they hormonal or otherwise--and to be magnified through my struggles.
So, while I won't let it all hang out and give Evil Gertrude her head in this season of change, I also won't fight so hard to do it all myself. On those days when the tears flow and the hormones rage...I'll just rest in Him.
And get out my tweezers and mirror...know where I can get a magnifying one?? My eyes just aren't what they used to be:-)
Be blessed, and don't be afraid to let your true self show...He shows Himself strong through your weaknesses...and He looks good in you:-)
Deena
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!!!
Posted by Deena Peterson at 9:20 AM
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4 comments:
One of the most memorable things a friend ever said to me was "You don't have to be strong all the time. What a relief! I don't know where that friend ended up all these years later, but I do remember those encouraging words, and they still cut straight to my heart!
~TaunaLen
Girl I love you!
You think it scares you? If what I went through the other day was not evidence of weakness--Katie bar the door or I might be found running through it. But we think of Paul being beaten and singing while he was in chains. And what did that singing do--it produced such a movement of God that the earth was shaken. I think I would like to do some earth shaken more often and not just because I walked across the room. :(
I want to be powerful/I want to be weak? My brain is trying to process what exactly that must look like. I am a visual learner. And if I didn't see weakness the other day in the mirror ---Help me Jesus.
But how kool would it be to be called Paulina(a female Paul)?
How about living through ship wreaks or having visions from God that you were not allowed to tell anyone? Yes--I say----bring it on. Tenderize me and fill me with the Spirit so that when i ride down the street miraculous things are happening! YES--THAT'S WHAT I WANT!
My mother calls them personal summers... :)
And I'm just starting to cry... I think alot of it has to do with this new found spiritual stuff... :) (Because the tough biker dude at my church told me at lunch on Sunday that he never cried until he started going to our church... :) )
But sometimes I still think that it's a sign of weakness...
Im praying for ya... :)
H
You mean I can't blame it all on these dang hormones?? LOL I just finished Matthew 5 on the Sermon on the Mount and I was thinking this doesn't apply during "the change" does it.. ;O0 Of course, you know what God said! Lately, I have been applying everything to
"the change", probably 'cause thats where I'm at in my life and praise God He's right there with me. Funny story, this evening we were in a restaurant in the non-smoking section, yeah right, right next to the smoking section. The smoke started to drift over so I folded up my paper placemat and started fanning it in front of my face to get the smoke away and of course, people thought I was having a hot flash! But! I kept my mouth shut and did not complain!
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