Still A Lie..

I wish I could remember where I read this quote, but I do know it is from Beth Moore. She said, "Even if the person we present to people is a very good person, if it isn't who we really are, it's still a lie. And it is still sin."

At least, I think that was how it went.

But the principle is still true. I deal with perception in my life a lot. Usually, it's of my own making, but occasionally it is a true issue.

I'm a pastor's wife, and for many that creates an image that I'm here to tell you frankly, I just cannot measure up to. Sometimes, just living up to someone's perception of a Christian is difficult for me.

I'm rarely seen in pantyhose, or a skirt. My favorite is a knee-high little black number that makes me feel young again. But most times you'll find me in jeans or in slacks of some kind.

I don't enjoy showers of any kind...baby, wedding, anniversary...I guess I'm just not a party person. I may love you to bits, but I won't feel comfortable there, so I most likely will not come. But I'll buy you a really fun gift!!

I'm not fond of traditional women's ministry, which is ironic, because I lead a women's Bible study. But I think most would admit, I don't do it a "traditional" way...which may turn some off...but I'm unique, and I'm learning to live with it.

I'm not always perky and chipper. I tend to be very emotional, and while I've gotten it under better control, I can't mask it with a smile and a "praise the Lord" many times. If I'm sad, you'll most likely notice. If I'm cranky, you'll see that...but I promise to always be funny...my sense of humor is something I rarely lose!!

And that's another thing. I'm very sarcastic, and witty, and funny...and I'm not conventional about it at all. If I see an opportunity to difuse a situation with humor, I'll plow right ahead and do it.

I'm protective of my husband and my kids, so don't come to me about any of them with your complaints or demands. They come first for me. They belong to God first, and I trust Him to tell them where they fall short. But I will ask you to pray for them all, since they are on the front lines many times, if not all the time.

So, have I blown your perception of me yet? Here's a little more...

I'm not conventional in any sense of the word. I love the Lord passionately, which can get me into trouble. I get bored very easily, which is probably why I like short term Bible studies and reading different books a lot.

I'm very opinionated, and have a hard time keeping my opinions to myself. I'm getting better, but still have a long way to go. And I despise sin, especially the sin that holds on to me or someone I love. It can seem as if I'm angry with you, but I'm actually angry with the one who has taken you captive, and I will get aggresive on your behalf in prayer.

Because I'm very passionate, I tend to get wounded easily, and it takes time for me to heal. I try to give the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard, because I've been deliberately wounded in church so many times...but I'll love you anyway, and I'll work for reconciliation...I'll just need a little time to get my feet under me again.

I have the best of intentions, but I often have my mouth writing checks my body cannot cash. I don't like to admit it, but I battle several illnesses that I never know when they'll flare up...and the older I get, the harder it is to work around them. So, I'll want to help you...I'll want to support you with my presence...but I won't always be able to.

I pray hard and deeply. I love the Lord and His Word with a passion. I don't enjoy praise and worship, but I love the messages that come through teaching and preaching. I take notes, and I actually re-read them.

I want to be more than I am, but I'm learning to like myself til I get where I'm headed. I care, I love, and I feel...just not like most people do. But you'll never have a bigger supporter in your corner than me.

So, that's who I am. I hope you all still love me. I'm working hard to no longer live a lie...and this is my first step.

It's scary, but freeing at the same time. And know this...I'm a work in progress, just like you...so let's give each other time to grow, while getting each other's backs, shall we?? Feel free to be you around me...'cause I like you that way!! And it frees me to be...well, me!

Be blessed, and be the you God created...and let Him shape and mold you...'cause He does a much better job than anyone else can!

Deena