But I Don't Wanna!!

Ever get in the "don't wanna's"? You know, God says, "I want you to do this for Me," and you whine, "But I don't wanna!"

Or God says, "I want you to reach out to this person in My name," and you scuff your foot and duck your head and mutter, "But I don't wanna, God."

That's the frame of mind I'm in. God is tugging on my sleeve in some areas, and I'm hanging back, crying out, "God, I said I don't wanna!"

Some are personal areas...areas I need to grow and change in.

Some are ministry areas, where He wants me to shift gears...areas where I need to stretch and be challenged.

Some are sin areas, where I need to surrender to His cleansing...areas where I've battled habits and patterns that are self-destructive to my spiritual well-being.

The problem is...each of these takes work...yes, the dreaded "W" word...and I'm tired.

I'm tired of trying to figure out decisions that make or break relationships.

I'm tired of trying to be the kind of Christian I'm supposed to be.

I'm tired of trying to have spiritual "buns of steel" with Scripture, prayer and devotion...and ending up with "rolls of fleshy pride" that weigh me down.

I'm tired of trying to help people I love be all they can be for Jesus.

I'm tired of.....of.......

Oh, my.....I'm tired of being god.

Yes, you heard me. Trying to change people, to change myself, to choose which path based on what I see and feel....trying to be god...

And I'm really, REALLY bad at it.

Good thing I'm not god, huh?

So, I guess I have knee time ahead of me. Pray for me. This is hard. I have the best of intentions...but that and a dollar and fifty cents gets you a plain cup of coffee at Starbucks...and that's about all.

Off to seek Godly wisdom...from the One and Only God...**climbing down off the throne...

Be blessed, and say a prayer for me tonight...or whenever you read this blog...I'm sure I'll be needing it...

Deena